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"Straight" isn't. "Gay" isn't either.
Real life looks nothing like the neat categories those two words claim.
"Is he straight or gay?" is a colossal mis-think. The entire concept is foundationally a myth. An simplistic, inaccurate, but convenient, arbitrary, myth.
Hear me out.
Here's how it basically went down.
Sometime around when we were maybe about 6 years old,
we learned:
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...and never thought about it twice.
We took as the gospel truth, we hardwired it into our very living identity, and we have ferociously protected and defended it ever since, as if it were our first born child.
- that's why the first paragraph made you a little hot under the collar.
It's so simple! Makes perfect sense!
Everyone is straight, or gay.
Just like everything is good, or evil.
And everything is on, or off.
And everything is black, or white.
Well here's the simple truth.
The trickier, more elusive, most intangible, and exciting, things in life like — and not to equate any of these, ...quite the opposite — crushes, love, attraction, arousal, or hardons, or however you're comfortable talking about that, heart-pounding... and butterflies in your stomach — these are parts of nature. Call it human nature, God's nature, or Nature nature, but these things are as foundational and natural to life, to our human experiences, as it gets.
And nothing in nature is black or white.
Nature is not binary.
Nature is not a computer, and nature is not a coin-flip.
Each day the sun shines
infinitely varied rays of sunlight beam down on us
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from behind and in front and
through constantly morphing
clouds, and it is magnificent.
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nature doesn't have light switches
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The natural "Gaussian curve" of random distribution
appears throughout nature, and it looks like this:
things far more often occur "together," than they do at the far extremes
The nearly 7 billion people on earth
were not born with 1 of 2 opposed categories of feelings.
We did not come from the womb
with a secret hidden chip inside us somewhere
that is "Straight", or, "Gay.";
This does not, in fact, exist:
chart suggested by the 10% stat component of the straight and gay myth
But somehow we know this chart. We "learned" it.
Sometime when we were maybe about 6 years old. And we swallowed it hook line and sinker.
It can be unlearned. "'Straight' or 'Gay'" will undo itself, it already is - evidence of that is everywhere. What slows it down is that those two words, that myth, is so powerful because we bought into it so young, and now we don't know any other way to talk about it.
"Straight or gay" — I hear the phrase, from scientists, doctors, executives, ministers, priests, teachers, lawyers, tv reporters, newspaper columnists.
These two words are ready to retire.
They don't work.
They speak to about 10% of the entire picture, if that, and they do that poorly.
The reason we are wed to those two words is because we want to be this guy  ,
...not this guy  .
Our investment in those words is about being cool, that's the heart of it.
We desperately want to be seen as the cool guy, as masculine, and feel approved of.
We love that photo of Dean because he's so effortlessly cool, and masculine. That's the James Dean story we celebrate, that's the story we're sold. They just leave out the part about how he slept with guys too — consistently. It was the 1950s - a very conservative time - so wherever possible, Hollywood just dropped that from the story.
60 years later and we have "gay rights" but guess what today's James Dean types still do?
...they drop it from the story.
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guys are attracted to other guys.
...maybe just notices he's funny.
maybe loves him "like a brother".
maybe one random time was physically attracted, or "curious".
maybe he's regularly physically attracted.
maybe he's occasionally romantically attracted.
maybe he's in love.
maybe they're just friends.
maybe they're best friends.
guys are attracted to other guys.
it doesn't mean they aren't attracted to women.
it actually has nothing to do whatsoever with how attracted they are to women.
it doesn't mean they're 'gay.'
it doesn't mean they're 'straight.'
it means there are attractions, one of the trillion+e10 of them bouncing around, naturally.
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While the two words dominate the story,
beneath the surface, in the shadows,
the far more complex reality of 7 billion people is playing out.
Maybe that can become a part of the story.
comments? add below (login isn't required), or email
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